Stepping Out
by grisabele
Summary: ..why don't you just read it and find out?
1. Chapter 1

**Stepping Out**

Raziel is having a bad day. He's having a very bad day. You see, Raziel has a big secret that he just can't keep bottled up anymore. So, of course, his siblings will be the first to know. They are all seated in his study, waiting for him to speak.

"Um...this isn't about the issue with humans..." Raziel begins, pacing back and forth, wringing his hands, "It's...well...I...have something to tell you all..."

"If it's about that mangled rabbit you found on your porch," Zephon says coolly, "I didn't do that. It was Melchiah."

"I did not!" Melchiah mutters.

"I don't care abot a mangled rabbit!" Raziel snaps. His brothers all stare at him, as such outbursts are not in his character.

"Soo...what is this about?" Turel asks, running his fingers through his long black hair, "I _do _have smokestacks to look after..."

"I wanted to tell you all...because I don't think you'll judge me..." Raziel begins. Zephon snorts and interrupts. "Consider yourself _judged._"

Raziel glares at his young brother before continuing. "I...just wanted to tell you all that...I'm...well...I'm...attracted to..."

"Sheep?" This comment earns Zephon a fierce kick in the jaw from Dumah.

"No, Zephon," Raziel sighs, "I..am...attracted...to..._women!_"

At this, all of Raziel's younger brothers gasp in horror.

"You're joking, right?" Turel says, "I mean, you really don't love women, do you? Because if you do, I don't think we can hang out anymore."

Dumah is furious. "You, brother, are fucking _sick_! You need help!"

"Now, now," Rahab says quietly, "It is perfectly natural for Raziel to experience heterosexual urges, considering that he once was human. Heterosexuality is perfectly acceptable in the human worl--"

"Shut up, Bookworm, we aren't human," Zephon interrupts. Melchiah has remained silent, eyes wide, staring at Raziel. He opens his mouth to speak, and...

"I like girls."

The brothers gasp in sheer horror and disgust yet again! Zephon hastily scoots away from Melchiah, but not before punching him in the head.

"Oh, what a state we're in," Turel sighs, "Two of my brothers are straight! Kain is going to be _pissed._"

"I _know_!" Raziel groans, "Especially considering what he created me for!"

"What did he create you for, you sick monkey?" Dumah asks. He's curious, yes, but he's a little afraid to hear what Raziel is going to say.

"Well...he made me to be his, you know, _lover,_" Raziel whispers. Zephon bursts out into laughter. "Oh, right. Who told you that?"

"It's fact," Raziel snaps, "Every slash author in the whole Legacy of Kain fandom has stated it."

"What do you reckon _they'll _do when they find out you like girls?" Melchiah asks. Raziel smiles broadly.

"I don't care what they do. They can't change who I _really_ am."

"You're still sick," Dumah mutters, "You and Runt both."

"I believe this should be kept a secret from Kain," Rahab says. He is holding a book in his hands.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...keep it secret! There's no telling how Kain will react if he discovers two of his sons are straight!"

"Good idea," says Turel, "Now, then, I'm going home."

And it was agreed that it should be kept secret.

_Somewhere far, far away, Griz is sipping coffee and reading Kinsey's "Sexuality in the Human Male"...well, not really, but it sure sounded cool, right?_

**FIN.**

**A/N: I have nothing against slash or gay people. I do have issues with badly-written, cliched slash and the "All-male-vampires-must-be-gay" stereotype. **

**Flame away.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I couldn't just leave this story as a one-shot. So it's a two-shot. Anyways, this is satire. It pokes fun at all the Out-of-Character yaoi (slash?) in the Legacy of Kain fandom. If you can't handle that, click the back button on your browser and read some fic about Kain and Vorador having hot mansex.  
**

**Kain**

It has been at least twenty-five years since Raziel has admitted to his brothers that he prefers lovers of the female persuasion. For the most part, they have ignored it, with the exception of Melchiah, who continues to ask his brother for advice on "picking up chicks", as Melchiah himself prefers lovers of the female persuasion.

Raziel is growing nervous. He has ceased sleeping in his boudoir, preferring to spend his time sleeping in his concubine, Isis's, room, because he didn't want Kain to find him and...uh, _do things _to him.

Of course, the fact that he has an appointment with Kain in one day doesn't make things easier. If Kain finds out that the son he created to be a lover in fact, prefers women, there's going to be hell to pay. In fact, Kain will probably throw Raziel into the Abyss for this transgression, after all, _nobody _tells Kain "No, I'm not going to sleep with you because _you're _a man!"

So, Raziel is sleeping in his concubine's room, huddled up close to her, whimpering in sheer terror.

"He's going to kill me, Isis. He knows, and he's going to kill me..."

"There, there," Isis coos in a disturbingly maternal voice, "You're not going to die yet. I mean, he didn't care that you had wings..."

"This is different! I was created for one purpose, and one purpose alone--"

"Oh, please, don't go off on that spiel again," Isis says, "That's all in the past. You're _my_ lover now, Raziel..."

And so they make passionate love in the moonlight.

Afterwards, Raziel checks the clock, swears, puts his clothes back on, leaves Isis's room and makes for the Sanctuary of the Clans, where he is to meet Kain. He's a little relieved by that. Kain isn't about to...uh, _do things _to him in the Sanctuary of the Clans...well, he hopes so, anyway.

Upon arrival, he is greeted by two absolutely beautiful identical twin vampires. They're both tall, with perfect hourglass figures and pale, pale skin. They're wearing black leather halter tops and hot pants...not that Raziel's complaining...

"You must be Raziel!" chirps the one on the left.

"Kain is waiting!" says the one on the right while she smiles broadly.

They each take one of his arms and drag him to Kain's throne room, where they bow. Raziel does the same.

"Hello, Raziel!" Kain says. He's unusually jovial today.

"Hello, My Lord..." Raziel is nervous. Why exactly does Kain have a pair of identical twins with him? Is he testing him?

"Have you been properly introduced to these ladies?"

Raziel shakes his head.

"This is Sekhmet!" Kain booms, pointing to the twin on Raziel's left, "And this is Nekhbet!" He points to the twin on Raziel's right.

"That's nice...why are they here?"

"Oh...why?" Kain smirks. "Don't tell anyone my reason, or I will see that severe harm comes to you."

"I swear I won't tell," Raziel sighs. Kain smirks and nods.

"Well, you see...they're my new concubines!"

Raziel's jaw drops. "No. Way."

"I am very serious. Why do you think I haven't visited your boudoir for some time now?"

"Because I no longer sleep in my boudoir...?"

Kain laughs. "Oh, heavens no. Vorador sent them to me as a gift. I had no desire to make them my brides, as I was always very fond of you, however...they seduced me one night and now I have no desire for other men."

Raziel sighs with relief.

"I wanted you to meet them," Kain purrs, "Because I'm tired of all this yaoi and manlove. I'll share them with you, tonight. Take them back to your chambers, and let them show you how wonderful it is to be straight!"

Raziel's jaw drops. Was this a test after all? Should he confess? Come out of the "I'm-not-gay-please-don't-invoke-Anne-Rice's-wrath!" closet? Or should he pretend to be disgusted by the idea of being with a woman, even if she's half of a pair of gorgeous identical twins?

"Why the hesitation, Raziel? Do you imagine that I will bring harm to you if you take them?"

"No, Sire..." Raziel says, slowly, "But, you see, I've had a female concubine for many years now. I imagine she'd be...upset if I was with...other...women..."

Kain stares at Raziel. "You have been hiding your heterosexuality from me for centuries, my boy?"

"Yes, Sire..." Raziel hope he isn't about to be slaughtered. Kain stares into space and starts monologuing.

"I myself had worries that I might have been a closeted heterosexual. So I created you to be a lover, to reaffirm, to myself, that I was not a heterosexual vampire. As you know, heterosexuality in male vampires is frowned upon by vampires and vampire fangirls alike. What would they say if they knew that Kain, the greatest vampire of all, preferred women to men? The scandal would be enormous! They'd think I was a pathetic vampire. They'd ridicule me as they do Vorador! Then Sekhbet and Nekhbet seduced me, and I realized that I am, in fact, heterosexual. I realized, then, that I should not hide who I am. I burst out of that closet door, and I will not be afraid to tell those narrow-minded vampires and vampire fangirls that I refuse to follow the doctrines of Anne Rice! _To hell with Anne Rice and her rules about who vampires can and cannot love!_"

In spite of himself, Raziel applauds. Kain takes a deep breath, and looks at Raziel's wings.

"But you have refused my gift in a rather impolite fashion. So you must be punished."

"How, Sire?"

Kain calmly walks behind Raziel and tears off his wings. A few days later, he has Raziel hurled into the Abyss. When Raziel's brothers ask what Raziel did to offend Kain so, Kain makes up a fabulous story about how Raziel's wings were a major transgression and so he had to be destroyed.

Melchiah suspects the truth, though, when he sees Sekhmet and Nekhbet draped all over Kain, and Kain enjoying every minute of it.

"Did Raziel tell you he was straight?"

"He did, Melchiah."

"Did it make you angry?"

"No. I offered him these women when he came for his appointment, though."

"Would Raziel not have them, Sire?" he asks.

"No, Melchiah. And had he said 'No, thank you, I don't want to cheat on my concubine,' he would still be alive and I wouldn't have had to make up that stor—don't tell your brothers I said that!"

"You're straight, too, Kain?" Melchiah asks.

"Yes, child."

"_ME TOO!" _And with that, Melchiah jumps into Kain's lap and hugs him, glad to have found another straight friend in the heterophobic world of Nosgoth.


End file.
